I am so sick of trying to Rx things and a year and a half later still finishing last. I’m tired of ‘being so strong’ but feeling so defeated. 

I’m tired of carrying around all this extra weight. I want so badly just to fucking drop it already. Like 40 pounds, 50 pounds.. then rope climbs and pistols wouldn’t be so fucking awful. and running, and pull ups, and everything else I suck at. 

It’s my own fault. It’s my own doing. I’ll eat too much fruit one day, I’ll have sweet potatoes at night another time, a few pieces of chocolate, a clif bar at work.. I just can’t get past the “I’M SO GODDAMN HUNGRY!” feeling most days. To prepare a week’s worth of grilled chicken ahead of time to mix in with salad, of all things, sounds so awful and boring, but I know it’s what works. I know what I HAVE to do.. but the last few weeks at the office, and my shitty workout schedule, and the long hours, and the off schedule eating aren’t making it easy. I’m happy if I get can laundry done.. the house is a disaster, I don’t feel motivated to do anything, every time I clean shit up, it gets messy again. 

How do people POSSIBLY manage to have kids?? I can’t imagine running a business, taking care of the house and Dave, trying to maintain a Crossfit schedule/routine, AND having kids. It’s like, pick 2. I don’t understand how people do it. 

Anyway.. our awful workout today was..

200m overhead plate carry (45/25)

2 rounds of 

10 pistols

10 T2B

then 2 rope climbs

200m overhead plate carry

2 rounds of

10 pistols

10 T2B

then 2 rope climbs

200m overhead plate carry

I was glad it was only 4 rope climbs total. After finishing my kettlebell cert this weekend, (yaaay) my hands are shot. So the T2B and then pistols (I use a band, cause I can’t DO pistols), which hurts my hands, and THEN rope climbs… they’re raw and sore. It hurts to move them to type right now. 

Complaining certainly isn’t going to help the healing process, now is it? Nobody gives a shit anyway.

I finished in 20:55. Awesome. That will be the worst score of the day. Of course I can Rx the rope climbs, I did half assed T2B, but I can do them, I can Rx the stupid overhead plate carry, I just can’t Rx the pistols.. I’m the slowest, fattest, strongest girl there. Awesome. That makes me feel so great.