So, I knew that I’d be posting about this interview with Buzz Magazine, and I knew I’d be sharing it with friends and family, and I knew I’d cringe at the video of me talking (one of those things, like people hate it when they hear their voice from the outside). But I never expected this sort of attention or response from it. I didn’t expect the texts and messages of praise and congratulations. Or the high fives and other positive notes from everyone. It feels really good that my little blog has gotten some sort of recognition, and that it is completely as a result of the work I’ve put into it. Take it a step further, and I can attribute the successes of these little achievements to CrossFit. All because I went out on a limb and tried something completely unfathomable and crazy and wild. And I loved it..
Now, I want to take a minute and address my Depression post from over a week ago. Going back and reading it, I’m like oh my god, what was I thinking?? I feel fine right now. Normal, a little stressed, kind of crazy, but overall, at peace with my life. I had a great dinner, it’s Thursday. Work is getting one, customers are happy, the dogs are happy. Life is pretty fucking awesome right this moment. I know it’s not always awesome, and sometimes I break down while I’m driving or when I’m in the middle of working from the sheer weight of everything that’s expected of me, wondering if this is really what I’m supposed to be doing. But right now, it’s all pretty damn good.
With that being said, what I wrote then was absolutely true as of then. That was exactly what I was feeling at that moment. And for me to have gotten to the point where I blogged about it, means it was really intense and very real. I remember feeling completely helpless and held hostage by my emotions. I was so worried that this time, it wasn’t going away. It wasn’t just a phase or a few bad days. It lingered and stayed with me, haunted me. I know people have read the post, but I don’t know what anyone thinks about it. My first thoughts are, I hope nobody thinks I’m totally off the wall when they read this.. and then I go on to think, well, if I’m feeling this way, then others have to be experiencing this, too. Maybe my posting about it will help others recognize that they aren’t so alone.
I also know that this is one of those topics that is almost completely taboo to bring up in discussion, and that’s fine. It’s a very private, personal experience that most of us aren’t comfortable with sharing. I sound like I’m all big time expert on this shit, but I’m not. I’m just really relieved that I’ve made it over the hump again. I want to thank others for understanding, and for being my friends, through all the ups and downs. Life is good right now, and this is awesome.