I was going to go to the gym this morning BUUUUUT (there’s this but…) as I was getting dressed for the gym, I realized something very personal, special, and near and dear to me was missing. It’s an heirloom, that I stupidly wear daily, and everywhere. I lost my ring.

My schedule stopped and everything else came to a screeching halt. Dave and I spent the day tearing everything apart in search of it. I’m talking we bought a metal detector to go through the vinyl trash (which is what’s left over after peeling decals all day, which I did yesterday), after we picked it all apart piece by piece. I’m talking pulling trash out of the dumpster, crawling into the dumpster and digging around, ripping sheets off the bed, shaking out folded laundry, inspecting the garbage disposal, taking the washing machine apart, searching the grass, dug through our garbage at home, the vacuum cleaner.. seriously, I’m going to x-ray my dogs if I need to.

Everything I’ve done today, I’ve been consumed with searching. I called the two places I went to yesterday, nothing. I’ve texted people, I’ve emailed customers.. the nicest people too. Everyone reassuring me that if they find it, they’ll let me know. I can’t believe I emailed customers.

I’m a mess. I’m going through the 5 stages of grief, except I keep going back and forth from Anger to Depression to Acceptance. I can’t pick just one though, because there’s a chance it IS around somewhere.. then again, in our line of sticky business, if it got stuck to some material when I was working yesterday, my time to find it is limited, because that material will be trash very soon, if not already.

I’m such an asshole. Dave always warned me to be careful with it, that I shouldn’t be wearing something so special and so completely ENTIRELY IRREPLACEABLE. I take it off for the gym and for cooking, but.. that’s it. And now it’s fucking gone. Something I’ve held on to since I was like, 7 years old, and I fucking lost it at the office, or somewhere in between. I used to hide the original ring in my dollhouse, I did for years, and I knew it would be safe there. If only I was still that smart.

Anyway.. life is still on hold. I go back to feeling normal, and then I realize it’s gone, and I have this wave of emotion sweep over me. Then I try to do the whole ‘it’s only stuff’ thing, and that doesn’t work too well. I don’t know what to do but it makes me sick just thinking about something so special and important to me being gone for good. 🙁

It’s just stuff, right? Meh. The first picture was taken the day I picked up my ring, back in Sept 2010. I had the ring custom made to accommodate the 3 stones. The two outside ones were from that ring I hid in my dollhouse, and the center one was from my grandmother’s wedding ring, which my mom later had set into a ring for my Dad. Awesome. Nothing important, no big deal. Probably in the fucking garbage somewhere and I’m running out of time, yet every time I go digging through the trash, it feels like I’m doing it in vain, and I don’t know why.

I will never own diamonds like that again. I don’t deserve to.  I’m so sorry, Daddy, for being so careless. 🙁