I’ve been meaning to update for awhile now but then I keep forgetting. My time on the computer seems to be only work-related and then.. when I get home, it’s like, drop the dogs off, quickly change, let them out, get your water, do you have a lid? shit. no.. oh well. shoes, which shoes? sandals, we’re going to yoga, okay cool. towel, check, water, check. Is there gum in the car? (I always chew gum during yoga and crossfit, it’s my thing..) okay got everything, keys, water, towel, shoes, go.

And then.. I braid my hair on the way there. I get there, I do my whatever it is I’m doing (yoga, or crossfit) and then.. I’m done. I relax for a minute, chat with the people around me, get back in the car, and then it begins all over again. Look at the clock, what will Dave want for dinner? Do I need to change again? Yes, I’m gross. Okay. rush rush rush rush.

All day I’ll spend in production, or on the computer designing stuff for customers, handling customer correspondence, helping Marisa, running errands, whichever. And by the end of the day, the above happens. I always try to plan on giving myself enough time to get home and get ready, but I always end up using every last minute of time doing whatever.

My mind wanders with my million to-dos, don’t forget to text so and so, their prints are ready. Don’t forget to take that stuff back, your time is almost up for the return window. Don’t forget to go to the store, we’re out of eggs. Don’t forget we have dinner with so and so tomorrow, make sure the house is clean. Shit, the house needs to be cleaned? Jesus there’s another 2-3 hours of time, just to do the bare minimum. Shit, laundry. Crap. When should I go to crossfit? Can I leave the office early? Should I even go to the office? What a fucking slacker. Best of intentions, and I can never just STOP and be productive, but then I look around and think about it, and the miles long list of things I’ve accomplished has no end in sight. I’m productive, I’m just busy. I feel like I’m not always like this, but I’m like this today, and this is my capturing of what and how I feel at this very moment.

It’s why I crave yoga. It’s not that it necessarily is FUN. It’s hard. It’s challenging, and it’s my own hour inside my own head, where I don’t have to focus on what’s next, what I forgot to do, what needs to be done, etc.

Same with crossfit. All this shit going on can wait. I go to the gym, I bust my ass, I put in the work, and an hour later, I leave feeling like a new person, only to return to the madness inside my head.

I know I’m not the only one who thinks this way, but damn it, everyone else acts like they have their shit together. Do I give off that appearance too?? I suppose I’m capable of ‘looking’ that way, even though I don’t try. Then again, nobody sees me when I’m running around and rushing either. Life is just go go go. Just sitting here to write this is like.. a break in the madness.

And… with that being said, it’s time for cup of coffee #2, and let’s let the day begin. 3, 2, 1, go.